Despite devoted marathon training, as I inch closer to the 2023 Marine Corps Marathon starting line with my abnormally sized feet, I can’t help but feel anxious and fearful about reaching my sub 3 hour marathon goal on October 29 in D.C.
A blessing and a curse
I’m an anxious person by nature, but running is one of the few activities in life that helps me clear my mind and de-stress. My anxiety is a blessing and a curse: While it deters me from trying new things at times, it gives me the discipline to improve at the endeavors I undertake in life—running and writing included—for fear of regression.
As with most of my feelings, I have no evidence or logical reasoning to support my marathon anxiety. In fact, I’m in the best shape of my life, thanks to intense Pfitzinger sub 3 hour marathon training—complete with frequent speed workouts, plenty of long runs including those daunting 20-milers, and unprecedented (for me) weekly mileage with a peak of nearly 70 miles.
Fearful
Regardless of my marathon training, I have a lot of fears—a lot:
- I worry I won’t maintain a 6:50/mile pace for all 26.2 miles. Sure, I’m nailing the pace during speed work, but a marathon is a marathon, not a sprint of several miles.
- I worry the weather on race day won’t cooperate. It might be unseasonably warm like it was for the 2022 Richmond Marathon that I turned into a half-marathon. There might be heavy wind gusts or a torrential downpour that impact my pace.
- I worry I’ll start off too strong and hit the figurative wall at mile 21 or 22, as I did at the 2022 Rehoboth Beach Marathon. Or what if I don’t begin strong enough and it costs me my goal?
- I worry I won’t fuel properly and suffer from cramps, GI distress, or exhaustion, like I did during my first marathon, and the first-ever, legendary My Best Friends are Cows Marathon.
And yet, all those apprehensions motivate me to not be complacent and to push harder—responsibly, of course. Those fears demonstrate that I care deeply about accomplishing my goal. There’s nothing worse than going through life apathetic. But, the irony is, regardless of whether one or all those unfortunate occurrences happen, here’s the truth: it won’t actually matter. Who cares if I don’t reach my sub 3 hour marathon goal? My readers certainly won’t, and why should I? There’s always the next marathon. I will grow from 18 weeks of 6-days-a-week marathon training, as well as the marathon. I have with every one of my previous four.
Will I be disappointed if I fail? Of course. Will it have a negative impact on my life? Of course not. As I’ve written before, the greatest disappointments lead to the greatest motivation—and growth.
Where I’m meant to be
It’s not a revelation to state that much of life is relative. I never would’ve thought I’d even be in a position to come close to a sub 3 hour marathon. Hell, five years ago, I went from no desire to run a marathon, to determined to do two every year.
Prior to training for marathons and starting this website, I had a fixed mindset. I was content with the status quo and not interested in taking chances. I didn’t seek out ways to expand my perspective on life, running, or anything. It was only through years of devoted training that my growth mindset was ignited. And, now that it’s stimulated, I see the world through a different lens—a lens that shows me what miraculous things are possible with hard work, dedication, and passion.
And it’s with that lens that I now view life and my place in it. I belong on the roads and trails, and in front of a computer screen, sharing my perspective on running. No race finish time is going to change any of that. After many years of searching, I found where I’m meant to be. I’ll keep on that path to see where it takes me next. Or, more accurately, I’ll continue to create my own path.
Fearless
So, the humidity on race day may be above 80 percent with heavy rain and winds, I may have to stop multiple times to visit my “friend” Porta-John, I may crash into the wall with a whole 10k left, and I may end up finishing closer to four hours than three, but at least I’ll have a big smile on my face through it all. After all, at the end of the race, isn’t having fun all that that matters, anyway?
