heel strikers heel striking running
Satire

Dear Heel Strikers: No, There’s Actually Nothing Wrong With Us

Despite nearly two decades of running, I’m only now being informed that I’m a heel striker. All this time, I thought I was landing with my forefoot, not my dreaded heel! I even ensure that I land with my forefoot in all the photos I pose for on Instagram. Yuck! This news was very hard to swallow. Heel striking running is no way to run. To prove I don’t belong with heel strikers, I’m meeting with my sports psychologist to see if she can stroke my fragile ego and turn me into a forefoot — or, at least midfoot — striker.


My Achilles heel

[Client knocks on sports psychologist’s office door]

Psychologist: Please, come on in.

Client: Ok, but I need you to close your eyes until I sit down.

Psychologist: How come?

Client: Please, just trust me on this.

Psychologist: Ok, fine.

[Client walks into office and sits down]

Client: Ok, open your eyes now.

Psychologist: What was that about?

Client
: It’s why I needed to see you today. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me again after how I treated you during our last session. I now know that behavior was unacceptable and not representative of someone of my running ability.

Psychologist: Yes, of course. After hearing your voicemail, I felt compelled to sit down with you and talk it out. So, what’s the issue you’re dealing with? You didn’t mention it in your message.

Client: Voicemail? What voicemail?

Psychologist: The one you left me last night.

Client: No idea what you’re talking about, but just forget it. We have client confidentiality, right?

Psychologist: Yes, that’s correct. As I said the previous five times you asked, the answer to that question will never change.

Client: Great, because I need someone I can trust with this information. Can I trust you?

Psychologist: You already know you can.

Client: I, well, I recently saw a photo of myself running and it appeared like — well, it appeared as if I was landing on my heel, but that’s impossible! Maybe it’s the camera my friend used? It wasn’t even an iPhone camera, he’s got a Samsung.

Psychologist: Is that what you needed to talk with me about? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a heel striker. In fact, the majority of distance runners, at least 70%, are heel strikers, whether they’re willing to admit it or not. Even the pros.

Client: Blasphemy! I’m not a heel striker — I’m too fast a runner!

Psychologist: There’s no conclusive research stating that heel strikers are any less efficient runners than midfoot or forefoot strikers.

heel strikers heel striking running
A heel striker spotted in the wild

Head not over heels

Client: But it’s causing me great pains!

Psychologist: What kind of pains are you experiencing? I’m a sports psychologist, I’m not equipped to treat physical ailments.

Client: The pain is unbearable!

Psychologist: Are you experiencing any knee or hip pain, or any pain at all during or after your runs?

Client: Yes! I’m heartbroken!

Psychologist: I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m referring to issues caused by landing with your heel.

Client: Well, no. But, a 2013 study published in the journal, Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, found that heel strikers were more likely to experience running-related knee injuries.

Psychologist: Yes, but that same study found that midfoot and forefoot runners are also prone to injuries — just different ones. They are more likely to injure their ankle or Achilles tendon, while heel strikers are more likely to experience knee and hip issues. That’s why I asked about your knees and hips.

Client: Take it easy, Shakira. Leave my hips and knees out of this — we’re talking about my heels! What’s my diagnosis?

Psychologist: I’m aware of the silly stigma associated with being a heel striker, but you have nothing to worry about. It’s actually —

Client: [Interrupts] Doc, give it to me straight: Is it a physiological disorder that I have?

Psychologist: No, not at all. And please don’t call me “doc.” What you have is called denial.

Client: [Lets out a long, annoyed sigh] What’s that river in Egypt got to do with me?

Psychologist: No, denial: You’re simply refusing to admit the truth or reality. Typically, it’s about something unpleasant, but being a heel striker is not a negative thing.

Client: Easy for you to say. You don’t know the trials and tribulations I deal with landing on my heels.

Psychologist: Describe them for me.

heel strikers heel striking running
Look at those heels!

Digging my heels in

Client: This morning I tried cutting out the heels of my running shoes — useless outsoles and all — to force myself to run on my midfoot or toes, but that was a big mistake. Not only did I look like a complete moron, but I wasted a ton of money. Needless to say, the shoes are no longer functional. It’s the strangest thing, the shoes operated completely differently after the shoe surgery. Speaking of surgery, perhaps there’s some kind of foot operation I can have done to make me land on my toes?

Psychologist: Please don’t joke like that. It’s not funny.

Client: Funny how? What’s funny about it?  Funny, like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to amuse you?

Psychologist: [Rolls eyes in disgust] Oh, please. You quote a Scorsese film every time you come in here. Try picking up a book sometime. Let’s focus: what challenges are you facing as a heel-striker?

Client: Well, I’ll never be considered an elite runner by the running world.

Psychologist: But you’re not a professional runner. By definition, you’re non-elite.

Client: [Gasps] How dare you try and restrict me! As Eliud Kipchoge says, “No human is limited.”

Psychologist: Don’t you see, you’re comparing yourself to a professional runner. And not just any professional runner, but unquestionably the G.O.A.T. of men’s running!

Client: Goat?! How dare you criticize the greatest male runner of all time. Indulge me, what blatant error or mistake has Kipchoge made that cost him and his fanbase dearly?

Psychologist: [Laughs] Clearly, there’s been a miscommunication. I was saying —

Client: [Interrupts] Oh, I know exactly what you were trying to say, and I’m shutting that shit down right now. The 2023 Boston Marathon was rigged! You don’t think Kipchoge could have finished better than 6th if the conditions were fair?

Psychologist: Let’s just move on.

Client: That’s the first great suggestion you’ve had all morning.

Acting like a real heel

Psychologist: Has anyone teased or criticized you for being a heel striker?

Client: Not to my face — they wouldn’t dare. Have you even seen my legs? But, I can feel them judging me with each stride.

Psychologist: Who is “them?”

Client: Everyone! My dozens of social media followers, my neighbors, the mailman, pedestrians, drivers and other runners – anyone I see while I’m running!

Psychologist: Don’t you see? That’s all in your head.

Client: Oh, so now you’re diagnosing me as delusional?! I will not be gaslighted! Gaslit?

Psychologist: Well, the definition of delusional is —

Client: [Interrupts] Spare me. Anyone can read a definition out of a dictionary; you don’t need a PhD for that. That’s not what I’m paying you for.

Psychologist: Well, this session is free, remember? I let you know that when I returned your call. I was greatly concerned about your wellbeing after hearing that long voicemail you left me.

Client: [Scoffs in disbelief] There you go again with this voicemail. I didn’t even call you last night! I sent you an email asking to meet.

Psychologist: [Pulls out her phone and begins to play the voicemail]  

[Client speaking in tears] “I need to see you ASAP tomorrow morning. I’m greatly concerned about my future and I just don’t know if I can go on like this anymore. I fear that —”

Client: [Abruptly interrupts] Ok! I’ve heard enough! Clearly, I was drunk or high and —

Psychologist: Perhaps both?

Client: There you go judging me again. Are you perfect?

Psychologist: I’m not judging, I’m genuinely curious if you have substance abuse issues.

Client: Oh, you’d love to hear all about my problems, wouldn’t you?

Psychologist: Well, yes, I’m your sports psychologist. That’s my job.

Client: Well, I’m not getting paid to be your client, so I don’t need this. And I don’t need your pity.

Psychologist: Again, I’m not charging you for this session.

Client: Well, I’ve spent a shitload of time sitting here with you that I’ll never get back. I’m done with this. I have to go for a run now.

Psychologist: Ok, whatever you think is best.

Client: Oh, so now I’m the expert? I thought that’s what I pay you for?!

Psychologist: Again, this session is provided gratis.

Client: I don’t need your charity, and I don’t need this negativity in my life. Perhaps we should consider going our separate ways.

Psychologist: Whatever you would prefer.

Client: Fine, then. But, do me a favor?

Psychologist: What’s that?

Client: Doc, can you close your eyes?

Psychologist: I’m not doing that again.

Client: Fine, just don’t watch me as I leave your office.

Psychologist: Why’s that?

Client: I don’t want you to see me heel strike as I walk out the door.

Psychologist: [Lets out a long sigh] Sure thing.

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