Interested in running the Richmond Marathon? Discover what makes the race so special, in this 2024 Richmond Marathon review from a three-time finisher.
Anybody that knows me knows I’m someone who thrives on excuses. There’s nothing quite like the thrill of crafting the ultimate believable excuse. And then sharing with others my ultimate believable excuse. Quite frankly, nothing in life gets me more rock hard.
I won’t do anything if I know I won’t have an excuse to make if things don’t go my way. That’s just smart. If I’m going to use my time, effort, and energy on something, you better believe I’m going to succeed at that something. Every time. And, if somehow, I’m not permitted by others to succeed at that something, you better believe I’m going to use my time, effort, and energy to make any and every excuse I can. Every time.
Because life is about winning at all costs, and in the rare occurrence I don’t win because the circumstances are rigged against me, you better believe I’ll make damn sure to find any excuse I can to excuse myself. It’s what champions do. And The Size 15 Runner is a winner. The Size 15 Runner has an immaculate reputation to uphold and he’s not going to let anyone or anything tarnish it—especially not some silly race finish time.
The weather outside…
Last time I ran the Richmond Marathon, the weather conditions were ideal—ideal for excuses. The starting temperature was unseasonably warm, in the 60’s and quickly rising with high humidity. These imperfect weather conditions conveniently created the perfect excuse for me if I were to not reach my goal of passing the finish line before my watch read three hours.
Sure enough, I didn’t reach my goal, through no fault of my own. I called it quits at the halfway point of the race, conveniently located on the street where I live. I announced to everyone in earshot that it was simply too hot for me to continue. Then, I yelled it a second time to ensure everyone knew why I was stopping. I walked off the course and walked a block home as I muttered to myself and anyone I saw about the heat.
So, when I saw the forecast for the 2024 Richmond Marathon was calling for cool temps and low humidity, I was devastated. I wasn’t sure how I could continue with the knowledge I wouldn’t have the same excuse available if I didn’t run under three hours again. Worse yet, I was feeling rested and healthy after my best training block, and had no race travel for my hometown marathon.
If that wasn’t already enough adversity, nicknamed “America’s Friendliest Marathon,” the Richmond Marathon is notorious for drawing big crowds of supportive spectators all along the picturesque course with scenery that never gets stale. Perhaps most damning to my case, it’s among the top 25 qualifying races for the Boston Marathon.
It became clear I would have to dig deep—uh, not in running the race, but, rather, developing an excuse people would buy that would excuse my performance if I didn’t reach my goal.
As the wind blows
Fortunately, the search for the perfect excuse didn’t take very long. It fell right into my lap—or, rather, hit me right in the face and would end up helping me save face. Not only were the odds against me, but the winds were, too.
There were headwinds early and often throughout the race. These headwinds were annoying as hell (God, I hate the wind; what purpose does wind even serve?). But I couldn’t have been happier. What better excuse is there on race day than the wind! Oh right, that’s why wind exists! Sure, there were some tailwinds, too, but I’m choosing to focus on the negative. Helps build my excuse case. Any runner worth a damn knows that having the right mindset is so crucial in this sport.
As if those nasty headwinds weren’t enough, around mile 18 my right hamstring started cramping, clearly caused by the extra energy I had to expel running into the wind, and clearly not due to any other factors in my control. Of course, my legs were already tired well before mile 18, but I’m not choosing to focus on that aspect. Remember, running is a mental sport.
The cherry on top of my marathon shit sundae? Not only did I not reach my time goal, I didn’t even PR. That’s right: I finished a whopping four whole minutes over my marathon PR. An embarrassing 240 seconds worse. A laughable 1/15th of an hour slower. Let that sink in. Has it sunk in yet? If not, give it some time. It even took me several hours after finally passing the finish line to fully realize just how pathetic my performance was.
Impossible is something
And then I reminded myself it simply was not possible for the goal to be reached. I would’ve had to train harder, something I simply will not do. I always train at the very bare minimum, just enough to hopefully reach the arbitrary goal I blindly set for myself. Also, I would’ve had to develop a better race pacing strategy—or any race pacing strategy. Math was never my strong suit. And I would’ve had to discover how my body works and learn its nutritional needs to fuel adequately. Science isn’t my forte, either.
But rest assured, as soon as I mercifully passed the finish line like a lumbering, bumbling, drooling jackass, I whispered those three special words into the ear of my loving wife waiting at the finish line: No, not: “I love you.” Rather, I said: “it was the wind.” Ok, four words; told you math isn’t my strength. Fortunately, I’ve got a supportive old “ball and chain” who graciously stroked my ego by backing me up on my flimsy, pitiful excuse, like any devoted, brainwashed partner should.
Then, something amazing happened. I was reminded why I first fell in love with her, after struggling to recall for the past couple years. She asked which part of my body of a temple mysteriously started camping this time? She knows me so well! Making excuses has a way of bringing out the best qualities in people. I taught her that cramps are the ultimate race day excuse to make because no knows if you’re being honest!
Don’t stop believing
This deadly one-two punch of excuses was a better excuse combo than I ever could have dreamed up. It’s like the Jordan-Pippen duo of excuses. It just goes to show you what you can accomplish off the race course when you excuse yourself on the racecourse.
Let this serve as inspiration for all you runners out there. Never doubt that you, too, can find the perfect excuse for why you were prevented from achieving your time goal. Or breaking your PR. Or succeeding at anything in life. Because if you’re anything like The Size 15 Runner, you don’t fail; you’re only failed by other people and things.
I’m truly excited to find my next race and get back to work…on developing new excuses.
I registered and paid for the 2024 Richmond Marathon and was not compensated for this 2024 Richmond Marathon review. Fun fact: this 2024 Richmond marathon review was written on notebook paper before this 2024 Richmond marathon review was published online.
