As a running shoe geek, I’ve always wanted to be a fly on the wall in meetings of running shoe companies. Fortunately, I was able to sneak in a recorder underneath the conference room table at the headquarters of a running shoe company. You’re in for a treat! The following transcript is the conversation of company executives discussing running shoe names for their newest pair. Ready to hear how the sausage is made?
Barry: Ok, fellas. We got to nail down the name of this new running shoe.
Alex: Easiest part of the job.
Mike: Child’s play.
Barry: Yep, running shoe names can be anything. Let’s do a brain dump. On the count of three, each of us shout out a name. Ready? 1…2…3…
[Silence]
Barry: Guys, you were supposed to say a name.
Mike: But you didn’t say anything either.
Barry: You have a point. Alright, we’re not trying to boil the ocean here. It’s choosing running shoe names, not rocket science.
Alex: Hey! What about “The Rocket?”
Mike: Nah, HOKA already has that Rocket X shoe.
Alex: Gee, how original.
Barry: Ok, let’s really drill down on this. What do men—I mean, people— like?
Mike: Easy. Cars.
Alex: And guns—people love guns.
Barry and Mike: Yeah, they really do.
Barry: How about the “Speeding Bullet”?
Mike: Really? We might as well call it the “Superman.”
[Barry and Alex laugh together]
Barry: Actually, you may be on to something. People love superhero movies.
Alex: Yeah, those Marvel films are huge. Let’s go with The Flash.
Mike: That’s DC Comics.
Alex: Are you sure? I thought all superhero movies were Marvel?
Barry: Hey gents, let’s put that on the backburner.
Losing traction
Barry: You mentioned cars. Let’s ride with that.
Alex: How about “Fast and Furious”? They’ve made 10 of those movies, right?
Barry: Yep, I’ve seen all of ‘em. Thrice.
Mike: That would be sick, but I’m sure it’s trademarked.
Barry: People love money. Why don’t we pick a number?
Alex: A number? You can’t use numbers for running shoe names!
Barry: New Balance would like a word. They’ve got the 880 and 1080 models.
Alex: Oh yeah? Tell ’em I’ll call back…never!
[Alex, Mike, and Barry laugh obnoxiously]
Mike: How badly do they regret naming them after such small numbers?
Barry: We need something that’ll really move the needle.
Alex and Mike: Hundred percent.
Barry: Not sure if you hombres noticed, but running shoe names are getting longer. We got to name the shoe using a sentence. What better way to catch people’s attention?
Mike: Brilliant. How about the “Fierce and Speedy Cheetah Runner.”
Barry: I like it, but I think that’s a run-on. Or a fragment? I forget the difference.
Alex: What’s the lengthiest-named shoe on the market?
Mike: Well, there’s the New Balance Fresh Foam X More Trail v3.
Alex: Jesus. Alright, let’s just make ours a word longer and we’ll stick out by having the longest shoe name.
Barry: Genius. How about: The “Rapid Fire Express Flying Speed Machine v1”
Alex: We don’t have to say v1—that’s already understood with it being a new shoe.
Mike: Yeah, but Adidas did it with their Adizero Adios Pro Evo 1—another mouthful!
Alex: Ugh, you mean the $500 abomination that lasts 30 miles? I’ll pass. Plus, this is a daily trainer, not a tempo shoe.
Touching base
Alex: Chaps, I’ve got a hard stop at 3.
Barry: It’s only 10:04 in the morning.
Alex: I know, just being proactive with my communication.
Barry: Hey, I appreciate that. Shows real initiative. Mike, you should take note. That’s how you move up in this company.
Mike: Ok, got it. I’m going to write that down. Could you repeat it?
Barry: What if we put “gel” in the name like ASICS does with the Cumulus and Nimbus? What kind of gel do they use? Does it matter?
Alex: Of course it matters, you can’t just use hair gel.
Mike: But there’s no gel in our shoe.
Alex: Forget ASICS. They name their shoes after clouds. They’re soft.
Barry: The shoes or the company?
Mike: Gentlemen, we’re getting lost in the weeds. Let’s just put a pin in it for now.
Alex: Getting lost in the weeds? That’s not the saying. It’s just “in the weeds.”
Mike: Yeah, but what happens when you go in the weeds? You get lost in them.
Alex: You can’t find your way out of weeds?
Mike: I don’t mean literally lost! I mean “lost” like losing focus.
Barry: Speaking of losing focus… Can we get back on track here?
Pain points
Barry: Let’s choose a buzzword like Saucony did with their Endorphin series. How about endocannabinoid? Did you know that’s actually the likely cause of the runner’s high?
Mike: I like it, but I don’t think it’s long enough of a word.
Alex: Yeah, plus it sounds nothing like Endorphin. No one will make the connection.
Mike: Do we want them to make the connection? We don’t want to copy Saucony.
Alex: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Barry: Why would I want to flatter a company whose name no one can pronounce?!
Mike: Oh, it’s not that hard to say. It’s Sock-a-knee.
Barry: I’m about to sock-a-you in two seconds!
Alex: How about something exciting like, umm, “Adrenaline.”
Barry: Are you serious? Nike already has that shoe.
Mike: You mean Brooks?
Barry: What did I say?
Mike: Nike
Barry: No, I didn’t. There’s no way.
Mike: Oh, man, if only we were recording this conversation so I could prove you wrong.
Barry: You’ve got to be a real nutjob to name a running shoe after feelings of heightened energy, excitement, strength, and alertness—sensations I never experience while running!
[Barry, Mike, and Alex laugh insufferably]
Circle back
Barry: Ok my dudes, let’s pivot. We need something unique. How about Althea?
Alex: How do you say it?
Barry: Al-the-a.
Mike: That’ll never work; has to roll off the tongue. We’ll never get buy in.
Alex: Hmm, interesting. What is it?
Barry: I don’t know, heard it once and I like how it sounds.
Mike: Google it.
Alex: Let’s see. Looks like it’s a…certified B Corporation? It says Althea creates versatile premium performance apparel designed by women athletes—
Barry: [Interrupts] NEXT! We’re not catering to just one gender. Men buy running shoes, too.
Mike: Wait, that’s the company Athleta, not Althea.
Alex: Oops, sorry. Ok, here we go: Althea is of Greek origin, and it means “healer” and “wholesome.”
Barry: Sounds powerful. I love me some Greek food.
Alex: Oh, wait. It’s also a girl’s name. Never mind.
Barry: Let’s think. What do men—I mean, people—want?
Mike: Sex.
Barry: Yeah, sex sells.
Alex: Hundred percent.
Barry: Isn’t running an aphrodisiac?
Mike: Sure is, buddy!
Barry, Alex, and Mike: Awwww yeaaaah!
Barry: Let’s Google sex terminology.
Alex: Already two clicks ahead of you. We’ve got:
- 70 Sex Terms You Should Know If You Don’t Already
- 17 Sex Terms You Were Too Embarrassed to Ask About
- The sex terms glossary to save you from NSFW searches
Alex: Uh oh. Are we going to get hacked for searching this stuff?
Mike: Crap, just close that smut.
Barry: Ok, let’s pivot.
Alex: Pivot? You keep saying that.
Barry: It’s the first time I said it.
Alex: You said it a minute ago! Man, I wish we were recording this.
Mike: Do you even know what that means?
Barry: Of course I do. Don’t be silly.
Alex: What does it mean, then?
Barry: To turn on or as if on a pivot.
Alex: Touché.
Break down the silos
Mike: Guys, if Adidas named a shoe after a marathon, we can name our shoe anything.
Barry: Again with Adidas?! Starting to think you want to work for them. [Laughs nervously]
Mike: I mean…
Alex: We’re not Adidas.
Barry: You’re right, we’re better.
Mike: Do you really believe that? They dwarf us in sales. They’re a global powerhouse with far more resources and money. Not even close.
Barry: Oh yeah? Well, unlike Adidas, we don’t do business with Kanye.
Mike: If Yeezy walked though that door right now, you’d be begging to sign him.
[There’s a knock on the conference room door. Their colleague Penelope walks in.]
Penelope: Guys, why did you start the meeting without me? We were supposed to meet at 10:30 to finalize the name.
Barry: I pinged you. We decided to start at 10 instead.
Penelope: You never pinged me.
Barry: Prove it.
[Penelope shows Barry her phone. Barry never pinged her.]
Barry: Look, we decided we don’t need your input on this. I doubt you have the bandwidth anyway. We’re all set.
Penelope: Oh yeah? What do you guys have?
Barry: Mike, tell her the name.
Mike: Umm, that’s above my paygrade.
Barry: Alex, tell her what we’ve got.
Alex: The Rapid Fire Express Flying Speed Machine?
Penelope: [Laughs] No, really. What is it?
Barry: You got anything better?
Penelope: Running shoe names should capture the essence of shoes. They should express what makes the shoe stand out from hundreds of others. What about something like—
Barry: [Interrupts Penelope] No shit, Sherlock. If you’ll excuse us, the boys must get back to work.
[Penelope walks out of the room in disgust.]
Mike: So, we’ll just go with the “Speeding Bullet,” right?
Barry: Hundred percent.
Alex: Are you guys sure The Flash isn’t a Marvel character?
