I have a confession: I can’t help but check people out when I run. Don’t worry, I’m an equal opportunity starer — both men and women catch my wandering eye. While running, I simply must turn my noggin to gaze at folks from head to toe. But I’m not gawking at their bodies — that would make me a creep. No, instead, I examine the running gear they choose to wear. You see, mine is a different kind of “checking out.” I’m only interested in the running shoes they’re rocking and the running attire they’re draped in. I take my time with my glare, ensuring I recognize the many (or lone) brand(s) they represent.
While I’ve witnessed plenty of wild fashion statements made on the pavement or trails, it certainly doesn’t matter what people wear; it simply excites me to see running apparel in the wild. I make sure to never judge a runner by what they wear. Here’s why…
A pretty penny
Not all of us can prove we’re elite runners by splurging on the gold standard of apparel – Tracksmith, Ciele, Rabbit, Bandit, Saysky, you name it. And only some of us are crazy enough to pay a king’s ransom for shoes to train in (Not even race in!) like the ASICS Superblast or New Balance SC Trainer. I mean, I’d happily send ASICS $200 and New Balance $180 if they made those shoes in my size. Shoutout to Saucony for making their super trainer, the Kinvara Pro, available in size 15. Now they just need to follow suit with the Endorphin Elite.
“Could you imagine doing every run in one brand instead of experiencing the variety of wonderful options out there? That’s like using only one of your five senses while eating and you can’t choose taste — better choose wisely!”
You never know what a runner is going through in their life when you see them wearing that brand that makes expensive yet poor quality running gear. Marketing is a hell of a drug! And you can’t expect to be aware of the types of delusions running through a runner’s mind when you see them in a pair of shoes that was popular five years ago. Especially when you consider how far shoes have evolved in just the past five years alone! I can only imagine what the future of running shoes holds!
I truly feel sorry for sponsored runners; they’ve got it toughest of all. I mean, could you even imagine doing all your runs in just one brand’s gear instead of experiencing the wide variety of wonderful options out there? That’d be like using only one of your five senses while eating and you can’t choose “taste,” — better choose wisely!
Different strokes for different folks
Another reason not to judge? You can’t possibly comprehend the kinds of demons runners exorcise during exercise. Like the runners wearing tights and long sleeves when the temperature is above 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Or conversely, those who wear 1” shorts and short sleeves when it dips below water’s freezing point. I guess they’ll do anything — including risking frostbite and heat exhaustion — to try and vanquish those evil spirits.
And I promise you don’t want to get inside the minds of runners who make their trots harder using shorts with a 9” inseam. With shorts covering their kneecaps, it provides great resistance training as the legs are fighting against the shorts to lift higher. That extra inch of coverage may just help them shave a few seconds off their PR when they switch to 8” inseam shorts on race day.
And, please, leave runners with obnoxiously bright-colored shoes alone. Their narcissistic tendencies are no one’s business but their own — although I’m sure they’d love to tell you all about them. Same goes for the milquetoast, uninspiring personalities of runners in lame black shoes. Oh, and for the all-white shoe crew, you’re not holier than thou just because of your pristine-looking footwear. You hide behind a thin veneer of purity, but I know about the dark secrets you hide on the inside.
Ugh, don’t look now, but can you believe that runner is eating a gel from that brand? Not only does it taste like the gross icing from a “treat” straight out of an Easy Bake Oven, but it offers no nutritional value. They might as well consume a packet of ketchup; at least it’d be easier to open.
Glass houses and stones
Why am I hyper focused on what other runners wear? I’ve heard people speculate that I’m a bit insecure, but that isn’t accurate. I always dress immaculately, and I would absolutely never be caught running, walking, or lounging around in that brand’s clothing or in that shoe! So, you’re probably wondering what I wear. Well, I wouldn’t dare give away my running gear tips for others to copy. For free, at least. That kind of content you’ll have to pay for through my future Substack.
